some phil.

flounderphil @ 2009-09-11T07:00:00

2009-09-11T07:03:21Z

For the first time in almost 24 years, I am paying rent and living away from my mom. Needless to say, it's been a weird yet fulfilling week. More to come...

flounderphil @ 2009-07-21T04:33:00

2009-07-21T09:35:13Z

There is a definite reason that LiveJournal is better than Facebook; Livejournal friends usually make posts far more substantial than a mere sentence.

the rarest of posts...

2009-07-15T11:10:56Z

Oh yeah! I'm posting in this thing cause I'm bored and can't sleep and it's 6 in the morning and I'm sick of playing Donkey Kong on the GameBoy emulator--

Of course, I feel like I only post here to advertise shows I'm playing, or complain about something insignificant, or mark some milestone that I'll want to look back on (although I have a memory for that, so)...

I could update this and inform you all (friends list) as to my life and what it involves.

Of course, from an outsiders standpoint, my life is probably pretty boring. I don't do as much as I could. I sleep a lot, I smoke a lot of cigarettes, and I drink a fair amount. I cook food for myself (and others) a lot of the time. I live with my family (I'm kind of afraid to leave them), but I'm going to be moving out soon and living with Shelby -roommates for life and whatnot-. Of course, Shelby already lives with me and my family (and I already lose enough sleep hanging out and talking to her). I spent a few months out of a full-time job and looking for good work (I'm very picky about jobs, so I took my time). I found a good job, so that's cool. I play music with a lot of people, that's really what I live for.

I need to write more.

I need to start going to the poetry slam again.

There's this strange feeling buried in me right now. I'm not feeling depressed at all, but I feel this intense repetitiveness of life closing in on me. I don't know exactly what it is, but I'm guessing it has to do with several factors. (1) I hang out with the same group of people all of the time. (2) I've lived in the same house in the same town for 8 years now, which is the longest I've ever lived in one place! (3) I keep getting stuck in conversations about the same damn thing, every other day.

Shelby's trying to convince me to travel to Southern California with her in a year (roommates for life and whatnot). Xaq and I have been planning to venture across Europe around this time next year as well. I have a step-uncle who manages a resort on a beach in Croatia who'll let us stay there for free if we work a few days for him! Also, I want a European team to make it to the World Cup finals, so that Xaq and I can take a train to that country and watch the game in the capital city (which is guaranteed to be utterly ridiculous)! Travel could definitely help. I've also been feeling like drawing into myself a lot lately, I think this has to do with a lack of creative output.

I need to write more, but I have no motivation to do anything during the summer...

I'll post more about my life as it happens, later I guess.

take care,
-phil

flounderphil @ 2009-05-23T13:19:00

2009-05-23T18:19:24Z

for the first time in years I weigh less than 200 pounds.

I weigh 199.53 pounds.

That is awesome.

-phil

flounderphil @ 2009-05-14T03:54:00

2009-05-14T09:05:56Z

a poem. a story I guess.

- - -

A newscaster's hollow stare
is the worst way to be informed of your brother's
death.
A made-up woman you'll never meet
in front of a house you always knew,
and you were on the phone
the television muted.
That shit hits the ground
conversation over
can you hear me now?

Alcohol is the worst cure for grief
these days it seems there's more bars in more places.
Tight times make loose and tired faces,
and a bartenders hollow stare
is the worst way to learn you've hit rock bottom.
A revelation - silent as a razor on skin

what once was a rite of passage is now a last resort
and you remember your brother
popping the blades out of a plastic Gillette
when you were 11.

A hollow house is the worst way to be informed you've no guardian angels.
Strip the walls bare and change the floors
new furniture will somehow smell like him.
And then,
a sober light outside your window
his wife is pregnant.

you will not be a drunk uncle

-phil

Eastbound and Down is kinda funny...

2009-03-09T06:40:53Z

there are
days that are like yesterday; the sorts of
days I wish I'd never lived.
how I dream of being an
unopened gift
god never had the grace of
god to give. and then,
there are
days that are more like to-
day, I fracture my face
when I smile.
how I'd like to have
a few more of those
every once in awhile.
all of my nights are in love with themselves
they know it is when I sing my favorite songs
when all of my rights are uprooting themselves
and all I have left are my wrongs.
and there are days that are like yesterday...

here.

I've been making a lot of music lately and just
generally observing the world.

I should find a better way than this to catalogue my public thoughts once a month.

- insert rest of bullshit about how I read my friends page and know what's going on with all of you even though I never see you and only post once-a-month and usually only to advertise myself here -

Whew, that feels better. Where were we?

Oh yeah.

How are you?

flounderphil @ 2009-01-17T18:50:00

2009-01-18T01:18:05Z

2001: A plane crashes into the Pentagon and the next day all the surveillance camera footage disappears from the earth.

2009: A plane crashes into the Hudson river and the next day there's surveillance camera footage of it all over the internet.

Nothing changes.

(I don't want to echo Shelby here): but I'm getting sick of all the cattiness and drama that exists sometimes in circles of friends/coworkers/bandmates/roommates/etc. It wouldn't have mattered to me much at all; except; there's a party tonight that I can't go to because my ex-girlfriend from years ago (YEARS AGO!) will be there, so I'm not invited.

Seriously?

When I can't just enjoy myself because girls are stupid (not all of them), I get a little pissed (because I can't get pissed at the party).

It's all good.

(I do want to echo Shelby here): I can't wait to go back to New York City again (best spring [awakening] break ever '09!) and I can't wait to move into a house in a better neighborhood with better access to the bus routes and a room where i can play music and a yard where my futuredog can run free (but not really).

By the way. Happy New Year everyone. I was in New York City for the ball-drop (but I didn't see it) because my balls were dropping on the dance floor at a party 10 blocks away (no man can control his balls while dancing). I did drunkenly wander into Times Square at 3:30 in the morning while looking for the subway stop to get me back to Xaq's house in Queens. I played a lot of pool and drank a lot in Queens. I went to Central Park and Strawberry Fields was underwhelming. I went to the Alex Grey gallery (this guy). He was there in the gallery and it was impressive. I also went to the Met and saw some of my favorite paintings in person (like this one) and discovered some new favorite artists (like Raqib Shaw). I enjoyed my 11 days there a lot (and ate a lot of good food). New York City is my new favorite place and perhaps one day I will live there.

Beyond that, I've been working a lot (very boring data entry bullshit) and working on music a lot (much more enjoyable recordings with Maryann and the Shaky Hands in a professional studio, and recordings with SuperHouse and Federal!State!Local! in my own personal studio [my room]). Maryann and the Shaky Hands is playing at the Lucky Lounge on Monday night (Jan 19th) at 10PM. It's a free show and there's $1 Modelo at the bar. You should come (or not).

I'm almost 23 and I've done so little. Good thing there's plenty of time and space for me to fill (yeah, I'll fill your space).

Love,
-Phil

flounderphil @ 2009-01-07T10:35:00

2009-01-07T10:08:39Z

Final morning in NYC. My flight leaves in 5 hours. The trip has been awesome and this is one of my favorite places. I'll write a full post when I have something more than my phone to type it up on. I can't wait to be back in Austin, where it gets warmer than 34 degrees.

flounderphil @ 2008-12-10T02:09:00

2008-12-10T08:23:03Z

Everyone's busy at the end of the year.
Everything's ending at the end of the year.

I'm busy.
- Recording two albums: SuperHouse album is almost done (jesus!), Maryann and the Shaky Hands doesn't have a myspace and can't decide how to spell our name.
- Mixing another album: Dr. Zoom = The Bomb Called Boom will be released on the 18th (be there).
- Helped Clock Skin (myspace.com/matthewsquiresmusic) record an EP. Added some ukulele, lap steel, and organ parts. It was a weekend lock-in at a studio in Kyle, TX. A lot of fun.
- Playing in 3 bands. SuperHouse (always and forever), Maryann (so fresh and so clean), and drums for Federal! State! Local! (gotta help the little ones).
- Recording demos with F!S!L! over Christmas break.
- New York City from Dec 28th through January 7th (can't fucking wait).
- Christmas
- 40 hour work weeks, dammit.

Things you should know about:

December 13th - FREE SHOW at the Shopping Center at Spicewood Springs and 183 (with the Big Lots). Federal! State! Local! will play, the show is from 12-4PM and will be the goodness.

December 18th - NOT FREE SHOW at the Red Eyed Fly (8th and Red River). SuperHouse (last show til April), Dr. Zoom (last show forever), and Maryann and the Shaky Hands (first show ever). $5 for people over 21, $8 for people under. 9PM. Be there. It'll be the best Christmas ever if I see you.

It's snowing while I write this. I love the winter time, it is my favorite.

-Phil

flounderphil @ 2008-10-29T18:22:00

2008-10-29T23:37:29Z

today was a good day.

cut from work early. hung out with friends.

won free tickets to a show on Halloween from KOOP (i needed halloween plans).

got plane tickets to NYC for new years (infinite thanks to Xaq and Becky).

San Diego next week, and then more recording with new project (Maryann and the Shaky Hands).

my life is nonstop.

flounderphil @ 2008-09-25T17:54:00

2008-09-25T23:00:05Z

I was waiting a while to post this and let all the new information settle in my mind.

I was hugely disappointed with the season premiere of Heroes. Hugely disappointed.

I think they may definitely be losing it and it's sad to see.

Of course, I'm not going to run away yet, I'll give the season 9 or 10 episodes, but some things better definitely change (especially the cheesy dialogue and completely apparent comic book rip-offs).

Some stuff.

2008-09-25T12:50:34Z

A book meme:
1. Grab the nearest book.
2. Open the book to page 42.
3. Find the first full sentence.
4. Post the text of the next seven sentences in your journal along with these instructions.
5. Don't dig for your favorite book, the cool book, or the intellectual one: pick the CLOSEST.

The book is Wicca: A Guide for the Solitary Practitioner.
"The flute, recorder, and all wind instruments are under the dominion of air, the intellectual element, and so can be used to increase mental powers or visualization abilities, to discover ancient wisdom or knowledge, to improve psychic faculties, and to call upon the God.

Fire rules stringed instruments such as the lyre, harp (full-size or folk), guitar, mandolin, ukelele, and so on. Such instruments can be used in spells or rites involving sexuality, health, bodily strength, passion, and will power, change, evolution, courage, and the destruction of harmful habits. They are also excellent tools to use before ritual to purify the area in question, and also the celebrant. Play a particular song, sing with the instrument, or just strum around the area in a clockwise circle until the place is humming with your vibrations. Strings can also be used to invoke the God.

Resonant metal such as the cymbal, sistrum, bell, and gong are symbolic of the element of water. Since water encompasses healing, fertility, friendship, psychic powers, spiritual love, beauty, compassion, happiness, and other similar energies---bells, gongs, or cymbals can be featured in such spells and rites. The sistrum of Isis reminds us the resonant metal invokes the Goddess."

My sister is Wiccan and the book is hers, but I love that the 42nd page is not only about music, but also mentions the instruments I play well. (The misspelling of ukulele is included from the book, and I hate when people make that mistake).

So, new TV on the Radio album is unbelievable. Unbelievable. Almost three times unbelievable.

Hearing music like this forces me to aspire, and bow my head in humility.

Life's pretty good.

5 days in Santa Fe next week. I can't wait.

-Phil

www.superhouserock.com

2008-09-21T01:05:48Z

www.superhouserock.com
www.superhouserock.com
www.superhouserock.com

new songs, new pictures, new video, new website.

check that shit out!

flounderphil @ 2008-08-11T05:37:00

2008-08-11T10:47:12Z

a haiku
- - -
I don't want to say
your emotions are bullshit.
They totally are.
- - -
You have a knife in your brain,
a sharpened instrument
with a million possible uses.
You could topple a redwood
with a thought the size of an axe,
instead you skin and gut
the intentions of others,
as if their intentions
are nothing but tonight's dinner.
You'll never fill your belly
with the words of your friends,
chopping them so finely isn't helping
anyone.
Forget what people say
now.
Remember what they do
say, tomorrow.
When the room isn't this hot,
when your head isn't melting like an ice-cube
on an Arizona counter in August.
Sometimes shit falls on you
like big brown frogs from the sky.
and The people you love
are umbrellas,
open them up with your hands;
and never leave them in the bathtub
when you don't need them.
Reward them for their work,
hang them in a place of prominence,
brag about them to everyone.
After all, they keep you clean
when a spiteful heaven
showers you with unfortunate circumstances.

-Phil

flounderphil @ 2008-08-10T08:42:00

2008-08-10T13:43:54Z

My new favorite website:
Take Away Shows

Videos of bands/musicians playing minimally in unusual places. This is why I have an undying passion for making music, and little else.

A poem a day from now until forever from now...

2008-08-10T13:15:21Z

I think I'll write a poem a day inspired by something interesting that I read on wikipedia or hear throughout the day.

- - - - - -

Vasa
She was two years of unending severity
and back-breaking labor.
She was the grand finale of a master shipbuilder.
A behemoth, meant only for destruction.
Armed to the teeth,
a mouthful of cannon tongues
prepared to spew the most vile language;
stone words flung in sentences of fire.
She would've sounded like the goddess
she could've been.

Yet, superbly unstable,
she tried to kiss the slightest wind
and failed.
The destination of her maiden voyage
a graveyard
on the ocean floor.

To be such an unfortunate marvel,
adorned bow-to-stern in beauty;
bright and vivid sculptures
painted red, like a lovers lips,
and shimmering
with gold leaf.
A gregarious sight strictly
to belittle enemies. A loud-mouthed
champion of a kingdom.

To sink a mile from home; to squander
such seemingly limitless potential.
Whimpering while devoured by the sea.
Before a crowd of thousands
eager for success,
all of them willing to sacrifice everything
to imperialistic prowess.

To see the looks on their faces,
to feel the heat of their shame,
to hear the deflation of so much pride,
drowned-out by the waves.

She was meant for a swollen swagger
and
to swallow whole navies,
but
she was only another morsel for an ocean
greedy and monstrous in war.

We are so much like you, Vasa;
wanting only to see victory.
Dressed to a T,
we tromp with pomp
from our port.
And we will most probably sink,
for an audience
collectively sighing with
disappointment.

We are so much like you, Vasa;
wanting only to sail freely.
So heavy with weaponry
we will fail to embrace the
gusts that should propel us
and merely tip over,
giving in to the flaws in our design.

We are so much like you, Vasa;
and God hope we will stay on our keel.

- - - - - -

thanks for reading,
-Phil

"What's going to happen to you, you have woke up too soon."

2008-08-09T12:23:21Z

So many people I know
or have met
are moving on
leaving this place behind for anything
different.

too many tired trees in Winter
so many snowmen in Spring

Do you believe in a god?
I try to remember that I do
and where life ends
whatever is greater than it begins
a necessary optimism for a trying time?

I'm always looking up
maybe you see me
from that hypothetical heaven(s)
or maybe that's the most selfish thought.
I hope wherever you've gone
there are so many more interesting things to look at
than me
searching the stars for signs
Exit now - Turn around - Two miles ahead on the left.
I hope for everyone's sake that the not-life isn't
a Cracker Barrel
or a Golden Corral.

When I was young
I went to Dallas
and found a place where there are only
4 short miles between
a Six Flags
a Wet 'n' Wild Waterpark
a Ripley's Believe or Not
and a Wax Museum and
I imagine that's where I'll move on to.

For now,
all I can do is remember
(and sometimes try not to)
share a moment of silence with my cat
think of dancing with you
on a slick floor
in only our socks
and of sharing this stage
chomping on scenery.
All I can do is wish
that life was a jellyfish
graceful
and transparent.

All I do lately is make music. I've been spending most nights at "the fortress of solitude" - my friend Ray's music studio - recording the second SuperHouse album. It'll be done by the winter and it will warm your heart in a cold cold time. I've been working too, but I try not to remember those times.

I quit drinking alcohol and eating red meat. I have a strong drive to be healthier before I am older.

Do you know what I enjoy? There's this application for Facebook called Compare People, in which you are allowed to compare your friends and decide who is "braver", who "would make a better father/mother", and who is "more popular" etc, etc. So you can look at a list that tallies the votes and compares you to all of your Facebook friends and lets you know your ranking in each category. It's a somewhat decent judge of what people think of you, and what your most noticeable traits are. Here's my rankings for a couple of categories.

1st - Better Laugh
3rd - Most Likely to Win a Fight
4th - Can Drink More
5th - Better Taste in Music
7th - More Cuddly
30th - More Likely to Succeed
89th - More Attractive
101st - More Organized
112nd - More Reliable

So to sum me up: I am an excellent fighter, a hearty drinker, a joyous laugher, a good DJ, a likely failure, an ugly motherfucker, and a very unreliable person. I love me.

No, I really do.

I fucking love me.

Thanks,
-Phil

flounderphil @ 2008-08-03T07:52:00

2008-08-03T07:22:30Z

I am simultaneously the happiest and most alone I have ever felt. Superhouse + Amelia at my dad's house in the country. No moon, meteor shower, long conversations with the greatest friends I have, wine, free dinner, friends and family. This life is to be lived, and I cannot allow myself to forget that.

Clouded day.

2008-07-01T01:09:54Z

In early 2005 I participated in a youth poetry slam. I made it into the final competition and it was there that I met Shannon Leigh. I had seen her perform once as an opening act to the 2004 Austin Ego's Poetry Slam final and was very impressed. When I realized that I'd be competing with her in the youth finals I was honored and frightened.

Ultimately, we were both in the top four (along with two other awesome poets Gator and Jay). We were both on the Austin Under 21 Team that would travel to San Francisco to perform with hundreds of youth poets from every state in the US, along with a team from Leeds, England. After multiple weeks of practicing, writing group pieces together, and performing around Austin we were ready to go.

In the airport the morning we flew out, Shannon gifted each of us with a black leather journal that she had stamped our names on. I still have that journal, I still write poems in that journal.

The five days in San Francisco were amazing, and I thoroughly enjoyed spending time with the entire team. When I told anyone that I was from Austin, they would say "You're on the team with that really fast girl". I guess that's what her poems were, really fast, but there was so much more to it than that. They forced you to pay attention, to listen, to close your eyes and somehow catch up with the supersonic speed of those thoughts.

Her poems inspired me to push myself, a lot.

Later that year, Shannon asked me to perform in a play she was directing for her senior year project. She had adapted Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas and the guy playing Dr. Gonzo (Benicio Del Toro's part) had dropped out last-minute. I stepped in and filled his shoes, learning hundreds of lines in the course of two weeks and performed the show once for about 30 people. Everything in that show went wrong, but it was still some of the most fun I've ever had on a stage with someone. (Shannon played Hunter S. Thompson in the show and we got to play off of each other throughout.)

Shannon went on to do more amazing things than I may ever do in my life. The last time I saw her was the day after she placed 3rd in the National Individual Poetry Slam Finals. I gave her a hug in the paramount theater and congratulated her on being such a badass.

She was a complete badass, especially in the way that she could make anyone around her feel like a badass too.

Two weeks ago she was in a diving accident in Florida, and was in a coma for multiple days.

This morning she died in her sleep.

I've been unable to speak or think all day.

Shannon, you have more balls than I ever will, you consistently astound me.

Love,
-Phil

Wham City is the best...

2008-06-14T11:52:42Z

I am drunk and petting my cat at 6:30 in the AM.

This must be my last Keith Moon night for a long while.

Busdriver tomorrow night, my mom's birthday on Sunday, next week becomes super serious superhouse week (we are recording an album in less than a month and must get our shit together), and I start great new job next week, life becomes more .

I'm cleaning my room this weekend and staying home most of next week (I must).

However, life is fucking awesome and I am happy beyond belief.

I've spent the last month and a half hanging out with my most favorite people in the entire world. I am entirely grounded and supported by my friends.

I saw rachel tonight, she is truly my stabilizing force, I need her in times like this. She reads my palm and feeds me simple insights about myself and my life.

There are a few people I miss (I can't fucking wait for Shelby to be here, and Jack Still needs to not be in summer school right now).

Rachel told me that periods of depression fuel my creativity and it's very true. For a month and a half (April 10th to the end of May) I was spiraling downward. However, now, I am writing the greatest songs I have ever written and my work has become intensely heartfelt and personal. This pleases me.

I want to write more, I want to be more, and I know that I will be.

Thank you,
-Phil

Songs I've Listened to in the Past 30 minutes and over the past few weeks because they amaze me:
Wham City by Dan Deacon (the best song to end the night to)
Lies by Antennas
The Bears are Coming by Late of the Pier
Vertigo (If It's a Crime) by Islands

Seriously

2008-05-11T16:12:35Z

Go here: myspayche

Listen to the four songs labeled "Fever Medicine EP".

Then download them, burn them to a CD and give it to your mom for mother's day.

Come on, it's free!

Thanks,
-Phil

flounderphil @ 2008-05-08T05:43:00

2008-05-08T10:55:15Z

There are a few things I've done in my life that make me very proud:

- I've performed a fair amount of decent improv shows with two very good (and very different) improv troupes and a slew of other awesome people.
- I was the 2005 Austin Under 21 Poetry Slam Champion (Some videos here). I got to go to San Francisco for a week and it was one of the coolest times of my young life.
- Wrote and self-recorded my own debut ukulele album which did NOT make me famous like I'd hope.
- I've been playing keyboard/ukulele in SuperHouse for almost 2 years and we've released one awesome album (Friends Forever, Fighting Together).

Today I have been gifted with another piece of work to add to this list.

A little over a month ago SuperHouse went to Santa Fe, New Mexico to play a show and record some songs. Today (really yesterday) we received in the mail the new EP. We're giving it away for free because that's what people seem to be enjoying to do these days. If you want to listen to it you can right here!

SuperHouse has only existed for a little while but I feel like we've progressed a lot as a group AND individually. I am very proud of my work on this EP (especially the piano/keyboard parts I play). When I listen to it I feel that I truly have progressed as a musician and that makes me very happy. I definitely needed this pick-up, it puts things in perspective for me.

No matter what, I am going to work as hard as I can to be the best musician I can and do little else but work and occasionally just hang out for fun you know...

Today was a very good day. I don't even want to sleep.

I feel like this today.

2008-04-29T23:17:49Z

flounderphil @ 2008-04-28T05:10:00

2008-04-28T10:27:57Z

are you not you,
or i am not myself?

some strange sort of funk's come over me the last few days I spend nearly all my time alone in my house doing one of the following:
(in order of magnitude)
1. Sleeping
2. Cleaning
3. Watching Movies
4. Making Music
5. Reading Random Books
6. Sitting and Thinking
7. Eating (typically at the same time as #6)

I need a change. A part of me really wants to move out of Austin. Most of the people I know here and spend time around are in some way or another "bad influences" on me. My creativity is being sapped dry and I definitely have a mad case of ... well ... madness.

For the next six months I will live the life of a monk(ey). Doing nothing but working and bettering myself (and throwing my shit at people). I refuse to continue enslaving myself to the cycles I've noticed in this place. I've got enough cycles to deal with as it is.

I'm sick of being served the same shit on the same platter everyday and being expected to swallow it as if I love the taste. I don't. I never have. and never will. I dropped out of high school but the shadow of that demon manifests itself everyday in almost everyone I know. It's sickening me, and I'm getting to the point that I am literally disgusted with being around people as a whole, and that's a bad thing. I want people to invigorate me again, to challenge me. It seems that is impossible. All they want to do is live a simple life and I'm not cut out for that. I need more input than that, I need more outcome than that. I need complete and total freedom from all the shackles of my generation and every other.

There's a man on TV today (on cable access) who hosts a show called Politics: Texas Biker Style, he's old and he has the word FREE tattooed on his forehead. I want to be like that I guess, but my own version of that.

I'm not meant to be in your circle, because your circle is a cage to me, and you may never understand that, so don't try to.

I have the tendency to get really paranoid about what people are thinking (and always have). I think it goes back to sixth grade, in sixth grade I was the most awkward person ever, I spent nearly all of my free time alone. I wanted to be accepted at school though, so I started memorizing jokes off the internet (my mom got free internet from her college) and telling them at the lunchtable. It made me popular in a weird way, but it never integrated me into society. I have somehow always still felt isolated, completely and utterly alone.

I know this is dangerously close to sounding like I'm pitiful. But honestly, I like things this way. When I'm alone I don't feel the urge to put on a show for anyone but myself, I am (in some small way) as free as I imagine being.

-Phil

flounderphil @ 2008-03-31T04:04:00

2008-03-31T09:26:40Z

I am posting here because I had a chance encounter of the third kind with my manager from Fazoli's, where I worked 8 years ago. He's the one who gifted me with the nickname Flounder, which for a long time was my online handle or whatnot. Hence the name of this journal. He's a manager at Whataburger now and he gifted us with free pies. FREE PIES!

I do my best to believe that there is a balance in everything.

I've found some elements of the life I (may or may not) want.

Even the shortest roads still seem endless when you drive up and down them repeatedly at different times of the day. Trust me, I know, I spend most of my day endlessly driving a small area.

I've seen some beautiful things in my life.

Yet I yearn for some major change.

For a while I feared that to change myself is to delete myself, but I'm realizing more and more that to change myself for the better is only a step towards the truest and most pure form of me.

I'm sporadic these days. I alter my expectations constantly and keep an open-mind for doing anything at any given time.

Seriously, challenge me. Or challenge yourself. But fuck a life with no challenge, right? That's a lucky prick living that life. Or it's you, you lucky prick.

Love,
-Phil