?

Log in

Previous 10

Aug. 14th, 2010

Keyboard

Reincarnation.

Today I purchased a 1963-64 Magnavox HiFi system and some LPs at an estate sale.

Essentially, when boiled down to its most basic components: I entered a dead old woman's empty house and paid some sort of used junk salesman for her beloved source of tube-driven entertainment; this woman, too classy for transistors.

relaxing I sit cross-legged on a wooden floor while Ray Charles sings the song of Bonnie Coleman to me.

That was her name.
That is her name: Bonnie Coleman. It's written in the dust-jacket.

Inked over the Columbia logo.

Thank you for the static Mrs. Coleman:
may your heaven be analogue.

Feb. 28th, 2010

Keyboard

(no subject)

I am making it a goal of mine to consistently meditate on the idea of the middle ground.

While I believe many would think that the middle ground is a large swath of beautiful country populated with all sorts of people. I have reason to believe differently. I believe the middle ground is a treacherous landscape. Human nature (or possibly human culture) seems to be to gravitate towards the extremes. Of course, this would mean that it is normal to be oriented in some extreme fashion. I've fallen prey to this, as we all sometimes do.

So. In the coming months I will do my best to remember the middle. To open up my peripheral vision, cast off the blinders.

I'm not sure why I'd type this here of all places. But my work is boring. So. Here you go you Livejournal users. (If this were Marvel, you'd all be True Believers!)

Life is good for me:
I've been keeping busy with multiple pursuits. I've slowly learned to play multiple musical instruments, immersed myself in a few musical projects. All of which are of utmost importance to me. I make art with people whom I enjoy spending my time with. What more can anyone ask for?

I have friends who consistently surprise me with their ability to be good friends.

I've been making efforts to prioritize my time. I've been trying to connect with people I should spend more time with. Beacons in the fog. People who have consistently helped me find the center.

I could improve on some things. I've been attempting to budget my money more effectively (most of my family is notoriously horrible with this).

Several months ago I started regularly attending the poetry slam again. That alone has led to many good things; connections with people I'm privileged to know and the consistent inspiration that a group of talented people fosters.

If this was a state of the Philnion address: I'd say that everything is good.

Of course, there are some negative things. I do my best not to focus on them. At any given moment I just remind myself that I'm lucky to be doing what I'm doing. Lucky that in some ridiculous way the simplest physical forces conspired to create the world I inhabit and enjoy.

Everything being good doesn't necessarily mean the absence of these negatively charged moments, it means a worthwhile balance. A narrow sliver in the middle of over-indulgence and underwhelming feelings.

Also. Tonight I played one of the most meaningful concerts I've played in a long time. I walked through a crowd of 60 people singing at the top of my lungs and they sang along. We all sang the same song, something simple, something easy to hum along-to. It was such a beautiful moment that I could cry just thinking about it.

I've cried at the strangest moments recently (and I'm not afraid to admit it). Moments in which I am overcome with the saddest sort of joy. On my 24th birthday I cried in a bar while I told my best friend how happy I was for her. I know I cried because I was being too honest. If that's even possible.

I'm going to back to working now (although there is little to do - so I might just surf the internet or read more of The Dark Tower!).

Have a wonderful everything, I'll be in touch Mr. LiveJournal.
-Phil

Sep. 11th, 2009

Keyboard

(no subject)

For the first time in almost 24 years, I am paying rent and living away from my mom. Needless to say, it's been a weird yet fulfilling week. More to come...

Jul. 21st, 2009

Keyboard

(no subject)

There is a definite reason that LiveJournal is better than Facebook; Livejournal friends usually make posts far more substantial than a mere sentence.

Jul. 15th, 2009

Keyboard

the rarest of posts...

Oh yeah! I'm posting in this thing cause I'm bored and can't sleep and it's 6 in the morning and I'm sick of playing Donkey Kong on the GameBoy emulator--

Of course, I feel like I only post here to advertise shows I'm playing, or complain about something insignificant, or mark some milestone that I'll want to look back on (although I have a memory for that, so)...

I could update this and inform you all (friends list) as to my life and what it involves.

Of course, from an outsiders standpoint, my life is probably pretty boring. I don't do as much as I could. I sleep a lot, I smoke a lot of cigarettes, and I drink a fair amount. I cook food for myself (and others) a lot of the time. I live with my family (I'm kind of afraid to leave them), but I'm going to be moving out soon and living with Shelby -roommates for life and whatnot-. Of course, Shelby already lives with me and my family (and I already lose enough sleep hanging out and talking to her). I spent a few months out of a full-time job and looking for good work (I'm very picky about jobs, so I took my time). I found a good job, so that's cool. I play music with a lot of people, that's really what I live for.

I need to write more.

I need to start going to the poetry slam again.

There's this strange feeling buried in me right now. I'm not feeling depressed at all, but I feel this intense repetitiveness of life closing in on me. I don't know exactly what it is, but I'm guessing it has to do with several factors. (1) I hang out with the same group of people all of the time. (2) I've lived in the same house in the same town for 8 years now, which is the longest I've ever lived in one place! (3) I keep getting stuck in conversations about the same damn thing, every other day.

Shelby's trying to convince me to travel to Southern California with her in a year (roommates for life and whatnot). Xaq and I have been planning to venture across Europe around this time next year as well. I have a step-uncle who manages a resort on a beach in Croatia who'll let us stay there for free if we work a few days for him! Also, I want a European team to make it to the World Cup finals, so that Xaq and I can take a train to that country and watch the game in the capital city (which is guaranteed to be utterly ridiculous)! Travel could definitely help. I've also been feeling like drawing into myself a lot lately, I think this has to do with a lack of creative output.

I need to write more, but I have no motivation to do anything during the summer...

I'll post more about my life as it happens, later I guess.

take care,
-phil

May. 23rd, 2009

Keyboard

(no subject)

for the first time in years I weigh less than 200 pounds.

I weigh 199.53 pounds.

That is awesome.

-phil

May. 14th, 2009

Keyboard

(no subject)

a poem. a story I guess.

- - -

A newscaster's hollow stare
is the worst way to be informed of your brother's
death.
A made-up woman you'll never meet
in front of a house you always knew,
and you were on the phone
the television muted.
That shit hits the ground
conversation over
can you hear me now?

Alcohol is the worst cure for grief
these days it seems there's more bars in more places.
Tight times make loose and tired faces,
and a bartenders hollow stare
is the worst way to learn you've hit rock bottom.
A revelation - silent as a razor on skin

what once was a rite of passage is now a last resort
and you remember your brother
popping the blades out of a plastic Gillette
when you were 11.

A hollow house is the worst way to be informed you've no guardian angels.
Strip the walls bare and change the floors
new furniture will somehow smell like him.
And then,
a sober light outside your window
his wife is pregnant.

you will not be a drunk uncle

-phil

Mar. 9th, 2009

Keyboard

Eastbound and Down is kinda funny...

there are
days that are like yesterday; the sorts of
days I wish I'd never lived.
how I dream of being an
unopened gift
god never had the grace of
god to give. and then,
there are
days that are more like to-
day, I fracture my face
when I smile.
how I'd like to have
a few more of those
every once in awhile.
all of my nights are in love with themselves
they know it is when I sing my favorite songs
when all of my rights are uprooting themselves
and all I have left are my wrongs.
and there are days that are like yesterday...

here.

I've been making a lot of music lately and just
generally observing the world.

I should find a better way than this to catalogue my public thoughts once a month.

- insert rest of bullshit about how I read my friends page and know what's going on with all of you even though I never see you and only post once-a-month and usually only to advertise myself here -

Whew, that feels better. Where were we?

Oh yeah.

How are you?

Jan. 17th, 2009

Keyboard

(no subject)

2001: A plane crashes into the Pentagon and the next day all the surveillance camera footage disappears from the earth.

2009: A plane crashes into the Hudson river and the next day there's surveillance camera footage of it all over the internet.

Nothing changes.

(I don't want to echo Shelby here): but I'm getting sick of all the cattiness and drama that exists sometimes in circles of friends/coworkers/bandmates/roommates/etc. It wouldn't have mattered to me much at all; except; there's a party tonight that I can't go to because my ex-girlfriend from years ago (YEARS AGO!) will be there, so I'm not invited.

Seriously?

When I can't just enjoy myself because girls are stupid (not all of them), I get a little pissed (because I can't get pissed at the party).

It's all good.

(I do want to echo Shelby here): I can't wait to go back to New York City again (best spring [awakening] break ever '09!) and I can't wait to move into a house in a better neighborhood with better access to the bus routes and a room where i can play music and a yard where my futuredog can run free (but not really).

By the way. Happy New Year everyone. I was in New York City for the ball-drop (but I didn't see it) because my balls were dropping on the dance floor at a party 10 blocks away (no man can control his balls while dancing). I did drunkenly wander into Times Square at 3:30 in the morning while looking for the subway stop to get me back to Xaq's house in Queens. I played a lot of pool and drank a lot in Queens. I went to Central Park and Strawberry Fields was underwhelming. I went to the Alex Grey gallery (this guy). He was there in the gallery and it was impressive. I also went to the Met and saw some of my favorite paintings in person (like this one) and discovered some new favorite artists (like Raqib Shaw). I enjoyed my 11 days there a lot (and ate a lot of good food). New York City is my new favorite place and perhaps one day I will live there.

Beyond that, I've been working a lot (very boring data entry bullshit) and working on music a lot (much more enjoyable recordings with Maryann and the Shaky Hands in a professional studio, and recordings with SuperHouse and Federal!State!Local! in my own personal studio [my room]). Maryann and the Shaky Hands is playing at the Lucky Lounge on Monday night (Jan 19th) at 10PM. It's a free show and there's $1 Modelo at the bar. You should come (or not).

I'm almost 23 and I've done so little. Good thing there's plenty of time and space for me to fill (yeah, I'll fill your space).

Love,
-Phil

Jan. 7th, 2009

Keyboard

(no subject)

Final morning in NYC. My flight leaves in 5 hours. The trip has been awesome and this is one of my favorite places. I'll write a full post when I have something more than my phone to type it up on. I can't wait to be back in Austin, where it gets warmer than 34 degrees.

Previous 10